Thursday, January 25, 2007

How to Pick Up a Girl in 5 Easy Steps

Fear of rejection? Out of your league? Wrong sex? Bad pick up lines? There is a whole range of reasons why it’s a tough gig for guys to pick up a girl. But believe me, it isn’t that hard. The best way to pick up a girl is simple - be gay.

I discovered my pick-up prowess at a friend’s birthday. Introduced to a bubbly redhead and a feisty Italian, we all clicked instantly. Laughing, tossing their hair, touching their erogenous zones, giggling and suggestively swaying, these girls were reacting positively to my approach. All I kept thinking was that I could get their numbers immediately if I wanted, no problems.

In fact, when I mentioned that to the redhead that redheads were known to have better sex than blondes or brunettes – the redhead gushed and boosted her flirting while the Italian started to get threatened and stepped up her campaign to attract me. It was fantastic. They were putty in my hands.

As the two girls battled it out to win my charms (it sounds so pompous doesn’t it?) I quickly realised that these girls had no idea that I was gay. At least I didn’t think so. If they did, the level of flirting by the girls would not have been so high to the point of us practically rooting along the banks of the Yarra in an ménage a trois fantasized by every hetero male across the country. It was all quite surreal.

And I probably didn’t help the situation. I didn’t say or do anything to contradict that I was into them. The focus was on them and them only. All was going well until the girls announced they were off to another party they were already extremely late for. Just as well they left when they did because within minutes a male friend turned up and I had my arm around him for most of the night - right back to Ricky Martinville.

But it got me thinking, that if it was that easy for me to do it as a gay man, why was it so hard when I was straight? And visa-versa for my current situation. Why is it so daunting to pick up those you are attracted to regardless of sex?

Essentially, for me, it’s the simple fact that the pressure to pick up girls was gone and now transferred to men. Now that the pressure to pick up a girl is no longer there, I have no dramas flirting heavily and being suggestive to any girl I talk to. But it’s now moved to guys who I stumble over in magnificent fashion when trying to be relaxed and myself. Hence, my current state of singledom.

I’ve read in magazines and books that straight guys have used the gay card to their advantage and with great success – that is, acting in such a way that is questionably gay but endearing to the female, and then making a bold move (usually a kiss) to contradict the female’s perception. I congratulate these men for being so innovative in their quest to get some tail.

Now, if only there was a way to get a guy that easily…


Oh l'amour!

2 comments:

Marie Young said...

Using the same theory, made you should 'act' straight and unattainable to attract a gay guy. You could be the 'forbidden fruit'.

You're spot on with the article though, i find that now that i am married it is so much easier to converse with gorgeous guys, and the chemistry is sizzling!!!

R*Y A N said...

which also explains why one gets more attention when one is already attached.

could have had my pick when i was in a relationship, but now that i'm single, different story.

though, i wonder if the desperate drooling and scary stare has anything to do with it???