One recent Sunday morning, I was speaking with a friend about relationships and potential partners and his responses were not that unfamiliar to what I have heard in the past. I probed further and asked why he, a fine specimen of a man, was single. Again, his response was not unfamiliar.
My friend, an attractive, tall, dark man whose sweetness is matched by his sense of humour and witty repartee finds himself in the same predicament as the rest of our group – single. How this can be is beyond me. But his response to my question was simple. He is fussy.
We all have our standards in what we want in a partner – good looks, fantastic sense of humour, cosmopolitan outlook, stable job, independence and wealth. The list goes on and on. And yet, with our high standards in what we want, we ask for the unattainable – perfection.
Speaking to a couple who have been together for 14 years, they said that the only thing that matters when it comes down to it is that your partner shares the same values as you. If these values are not the same, then the relationship is not going to work. All the other factors you require in a partner are just a bonus.
So knowing this, why do we still demand perfection in our partner? Why do we have expectations that they need to check every box on our undoubtedly long list of prerequisites? The answer is simple. We just want someone perfect.
But what is perfection? It really varies between each and every one of us. Our interpretation of perfection is and always will be different to the people around us. What we find perfect in one person will not necessarily be the same for another person and hence why being fussy has become the standard response for many singletons.
Should we lower our standards? Definitely. Should we obliterate our standards and be happy with what we get? Maybe, but I’d be inclined to say no. By dropping our standards, we accept anything that is dished out and deep down, we know that it’s not what we want.
I admit that my standards are extremely high. And it’s been to my detriment, hence why I am still single. So by lowering my standards, I should hypothetically be able to find what I am looking for. Time will tell.
But without re-evaluating our great expectations of what we want in a partner, it’s going to be a tough ride. It will be interesting to watch over time who ends up in a couple they can honestly see a future and who will continue blindly searching for perfection. After all, perfection is a state of mind. Isn’t it?