Wednesday, March 21, 2007

The Divine Assumption

And so it ascended towards the heavens, the sun shone as brightly as it ever did during the month of festivities, and they watched with joy and amazement as it soared above their heads, across the fields and plains seemingly oblivious to the assumption they had created.

In this day of modern communication tools – the mobile phone, SMS, email, instant messaging – there is little room left for overlooking those nearest you when getting together and enjoying each others company. Yet the use of assumption as a means to avoid conflict when confronted by those closest to you is increasingly being employed by those very people.

Assumption on the part of those nearest and dearest to me has always been around and I expect it will continue to be well into the future. However, the danger of assuming is that you could always be terribly wrong without having checked. I have been both a perpetrator and victim of assuming something and it can often lead to a messy clean up afterwards, particularly if you’re found out. Believe me, the clean up is more exhausting.

It’s a natural instinct, I guess, for humans to just assume something will happen, something will change or something will adapt and for the most part, it doe happen as expected. But when it doesn’t, it can have damaging results, particularly to those involved.

I have been privy to numerous pitiful excuses in the past from the weather too hot (or too cold), the classic hair washing, too late in the evening, too short notice and of course, assuming I was already busy with other things with others. I have usually left the excuses alone, but increasingly as the excuses build up and the use of “I didn’t think you were free” becomes a standard response, I tend to vent my frustrations to anyone who will listen. And for the most part, they agree.

Not that it will ever change. It won’t. And I don’t expect it to. Yet, as far as I am concerned, you cannot assume certain things until you are told so. It’s not an easy habit to break. I’ll admit, that I won’t always remember to not assume but it’s worth trying to fix within myself.

NO, I wasn’t doing anything that day, I was free all day. NO, I wasn’t the person who organized that dinner that you weren’t invited to. NO, I don’t watch that gay drama you keep referring to, so stop muttering under your breath saying that I do. NO, I don’t know what that feels like, mainly because I have never had the opportunity to experience it.

NO, I didn’t know you purchased a house, got engaged, got a new job, met someone, ate at that restaurant or were going away, because you didn’t tell me. NO, I don’t like that bar/club/restaurant/gallery/shop/township that you are so fond of but I go because as a friend I do things so I can spend time with you. And NO, I don’t like your dry sense of humor because it actually is offensive and not funny in the slightest.

To recognise yourself in the aforementioned is a brave thing to admit. However, I believe there is more courage in trying to change yourself for the better. Stop using excuses and stop assuming – it can ultimately destroy relationships, ruin your friendships and create unnecessary headaches. Rant over.

1 comment:

Marie said...

I assume that you are not talking about me.

No, seriously, i agree with you 100%. Especially if you have been friends with somebody for a long time, you should know what is and is not acceptable.