Boy Lacks Initiative

Men can be downright boring creatures. Particularly if you are an extrovert and those you interact with are not. It can sometimes be an uphill battle to stir up emotion, interaction and even conversation when the person/s you are with are mute, unresponsive and plain dull.

I was asked recently how quickly I went on a date after meeting someone online to which I responded that it really depended if I thought we had that initial ‘click’ whether it be online or face-to-face. More often than not, the click just isn’t there with most guys I meet, them failing to have the initiative to ask questions or be interesting. Is it because they are confused as to the roles each member has to play in a gay couple or that they just don’t know how to generate conversation?

Sure, the initial conversation online can be tricky, especially since you aren’t physically talking to the person, but I’d like to think there’s always something you can talk to someone about. And after asking a myriad of questions about him, the last guy I spoke to online failed to generate any interest on my behalf mainly because he didn’t take any initiative to create a spark. In the end, I put it down to his being much younger than I. It was then that I swore that any guy I went after had to be older than me… even if it was to create intelligent conversation!

One of the last dates I went on was a while back and by the end of it I knew that I had to set higher standards for what constituted my going on a date with someone new. After a few days of intense online conversation, a few laughs and an admission of a long life together (on his behalf, to which for me, THAT should have been the warning light), I decided to meet up midweek with the guy at the swanky plush bar, Polly, on Fitzroy’s Brunswick St.

Although a couple of years younger, the guy could carry a conversation and seemed to be interesting. How little did I know that when meeting in reality, it would be completely different. Once I walked in and spotted him sitting in a dark nook, I ordered a glass of Pinot Noir and greeted him. Almost instantly I wondered when I could go home. After the initial pleasantries and greetings, all forms of conversation came to a screeching halt.
He told me that his lesbian friends were sitting just across from us and that they were all heading to another bar later. Politely he asked me to come along. I declined. As time dragged on, I struggled to ask him questions and generate conversation. And for anyone that knows me, I can usually talk under water.

In the corner of my eye, I noticed a clock and kept looking at it for a suitable time to leave. I drank that wine faster than any wine connoisseur dared. Funnily enough the highlight of the night was when one of the lesbian friends came up and mentioned something to him. And in the brief three minute conversation I had with her, I had more fun with her than I did in the whole time I knew this guy! If only she weren’t a lesbian and I wasn’t gay. What could have been!

Finally, after what seemed an eternity (despite being just under an hour), I announced I had to leave. To which he admitted that he had to make a move to the next bar with the lesbians anyway. Again, politely, he asked me to join them. I was tempted just to spend more time with the lesbians but again I declined.

Walking back to my car, I wondered what the hell went wrong and why all of a sudden was this guy so boring. Why couldn’t he create conversation? Did he regard the date just as a catch-up? So turned off dating by this one experience, I decided that my standards had to be higher than they were.

So why is it that men can become boring? Or is it that I am just going after wrong type of guy? I certainly know my type and the very prototype I use to judge all other men is not at all boring. I guess it is all part of the experience and misadventures of dating in a queer world. Dammit!