You’re a Whore for a S’More

The idea had crossed both our minds and it was only a matter of who was going to call the other first. We had a hankering for saltwater taffy and we had to have it then and there! So the idea of driving 45 minutes along the Nepean Hwy for some preservative-laden, cholesterol-inducing, sugar-loaded, fat-injected and above all, tasty American food was one of the sanest ideas either of us had in a long time.

So I along with my partner in fatty gastronomic crime piled into the car and headed to the Mecca of all things American – USA Foods store in Bentleigh. As we motored on down the Nepean, the idea of loading up our car with quality junk food, spreads, chips and chocolate proved too much. We couldn’t talk about anything else.

Once we entered the store, a now-regular haunt, fellow foodies packed out the store with arms and trolleys full. We were in heaven. As we made our way down the aisles, giant jars of dill pickle, Ranch salad dressing, Pop Tarts, flavored pretzels, Gumbo mix, Taco Bell burrito seasoning, Lucky Charms cereal, peanut butter and jelly spread, marshmallow spread, beef jerky and S’Mores were in abundance and we wanted it all! Although the Kosher salt was something we could have easily done without…

But given the expense for each item, we thought better of going overboard. That is until my friend saw the wall of saltwater taffy. That’s when I lost her. If the range of flavours weren’t enough, the smart owners of the store packaged a giant five pound (2.5kg) bag of assorted taffy. And if that bag wasn’t enough, she was after additional flavours which took the taffy count to six pounds (3kg).

More than fifty dollars later, we piled back into the car drinking Cherry Soda and chewing the prized saltwater taffy. As we headed back home, I challenged my friend to not guzzle the entire six pounds by the week’s end. She hit back claiming the taffy would last for more than a month. I knew better.

It’s now been five hours since we arrived home, and just as suspected, the taffy is still being eaten. She just cannot stop eating taffy. Although she admitted that the Buffalo Wing Pretzel Party Pack, was delicious and made an appearance.

We’ve started our next list which now includes such finger licking goodness of Artichoke Spread, Marshmallow Spread, Canada Dry Ginger Ale and 3 pounds of Crisco. God knows what we’ll be using that for.

USA Foods can be found at 11 Nicholson St in Bentleigh. Visit www.usafoods.com.au.