The road to coming out was a relatively easy and simple path compared to many others I have heard from those I know. For some their journey in becoming their true self is still in progress. For each of us, it is a different experience fraught with different reactions, acceptance or rejection. No story is the same.
This is nothing earth shattering or a huge revelation. But after my recent actions (and some would say bravery), it was high time I shared the story of my experience. Some will recognize events similar to their own, some may be inspired to come out and some may just be curious to know what it is like.
Unlike some, I knew I was gay many years ago but I never was distraught by the thought that I might be different or that I liked men. I knew that I was and that was pretty much that. I didn’t deny myself or emotionally beat myself up trying to convince myself that I was actually straight. I just knew I liked the body of a man and that I found the male species incredible sensual.
But it was years and years later that I did anything about it. I was happy to carry on with my life – go to school, go to university, go to casual jobs, hang out with my friends. I was almost on auto-pilot, going about life and being contented with what was happening. Of course, being a randy teen, I did use the internet to my advantage. But that was the extent of it.
It wasn’t until I came home from Europe and I had started going out with a close friend to gay clubs as an “emotional support” for him that I knew that I no longer wanted to be single and coop up my true party animal self like I had been. So as I continued to “support” my friend (all the while, having my own personal agenda) I made movements in the road to coming out.
It was after another friend’s birthday on that bright, warm sunny Sunday afternoon that I impulsively decided to go to Midsumma Carnival. It was there that I ran into a former school friend, himself gay. When I saw him, after an initial “oh crap I hope he doesn’t see me”, I darted off to look at other stalls and performances. Was I ready to take the first step? What am I really waiting for? It was then and there that I gathered the courage walked up to him and say hello. So I walked up and tapped his shoulder to his excitement and surprise.
He asked me point blank if I was gay. I said yes. And in an instant, I had just come out as a gay man. The ball started rolling….
-to be continued-