Friday, April 20, 2007

Mother Superior

“For an educated woman, she’s pretty fucking stupid!”

This was the choice phrase uttered to me as I discussed the latest antics about a friend of mine to my sister. Her comment came after a string of similar comments from other friends who realised they had had enough of the friend in questions superiority complex.

And inevitably, I too, came to the same realisation – She thought she was above everyone. Her superiority complex most likely stems from her upbringing, which although fairly humble, was a common characteristic trait amongst her and her siblings. Responding in condescending tones, making people feel silly or inadequate if they didn’t know something and the inability to create conversation.

It may appear odd that we continued to remain friends with such a person, but the notion of being able to speak above and beyond sex and the general gossip was attractive to me and others. But as time went on, there were situations where the superiority complex would be revealed. Consistently making changes to dinner plans, consistently reiterating her vegetarian dietary requirements (which, for a group of carnivores was no problem anyway) and her general demeanour while out for celebrations have worn thin the veil of tolerance.

Now, usually, I give people the benefit of the doubt and don’t strike someone off, but lately, I have been of the thought that if we were not to be friends with her anymore, that I would not bat an eyelid. Sad but true.

My feelings became increasingly legimate last weekend at a birthday dinner (to which we pay for the birthday person’s meal in lieu of a gift) when she not only abused one friend for buying a gift, but also sulked at the prices for curries and insisted on getting less food for everyone at the table. The antics continued once we left the restaurant and continued onto The Melbourne Supper Club, a popular cigar/wine bar in the city.

I usually loathe cigars, but here the scent of cigars was intoxicating. However, for Mother Superior, it was not acceptable and stated she was going to go elsewhere and meet up with the rest of the group afterwards wherever we decided to go. We were only too happy to move to the non-smoking section of the wine bar, as I realise (as a non-smoker) that cigarette smoke is disgusting. But I could not believe her snap response once we’d entered the bar and sought an alternative room.
Now, correct me if I am wrong, but usually friends will go out of their way for friends, particularly on their birthday. You may not like it necessarily, but it is a part of friendships. Is it not?

A few days ago, I found out the superiority complex kicked in again as she refused to celebrate the impending engagement of mutual friends.

So how far do you go? Do you turn a blind eye and accept that it’s their character or do you drop them like a sack of potatoes gone bad? It’s a conundrum that you don’t necessarily want to be involved in, particularly if you have been friends for a number of years. Has the friendship gone stale? I would say so. Is it worth resurrecting? You’d hope so. But if superiority complexes get in the way of what friendships are about (i.e. being honest, relaxed and not having to doubt your own intelligence) then how do you handle it carefully as not to break the fragile eggs of friendship?

1 comment:

i said my name is tristan... said...

if the friendship is really something worth saving then your friend should be made aware of her caustic behaviour.

hopefully she'll take this on board as something constructive.

if not, ditch the bitch! she'd be better off with those haughty bags from kath and kim.